Good Ole Aunt Epp!

By Christopher Rush

My great-great aunt, Elspeth Marr, died in 1947. I was only three at the time, but still recall with terror the literary, religious and sex education she handed out to me from her hearth. The sex education was that boys came from the Bass Rock and girls from the May Isle (well known islands off the Scottish east coast, where we lived). Later I was given a more truthful version: ‘Thou camest from a stinking drop’!

So, many years later, when I came to edit Epp’s notebooks and journals, I was not surprised to discover many staggeringly frank entries on everything to avoid conception: ensure that your knicker elastic is good and strong, if the knickers come off, make sure that you have planted a stale fish beneath the floorboards on the man’s side of the bed – this will occupy his mind and take it off intercourse. If in spite of this he sows his seed in you, be up and active on your feet for an hour afterwards, and if the sea is within spitting distance, give yourself a good salt douche.

If on the other hand you are anxious to conceive, she has other remedies, even one for conceiving a girl: give your fertile crescent a good splash of vinegar. (Apparently acid is inimical to male sperms.) When you come to give birth, she has much sage advice. If it’s a boy, don’t cut the umbilical too short, as this will proportionately affect the length of the penis, and a man is best left too long than too short. A long umbilical on a girl, though, will determine the length of her tongue – so if you don’t want a long-tongued gossip in the family, cut her short.

My favourite entry is on insomnia. For this she recommends a bath, a glass of brandy, and intercourse. ‘Otherwise try onions. These are marvellous adversaries to insomnia, and onions do not get you pregnant. Do this before bed but not before sexual congress… onions and intercourse do not blend well. With such incompatible bedfellows, do without your onions, and let your man have his oats.’

All this plus hundreds of cures and recipes and remedies were penned by Epp over six decades and headed ‘Notes for a Young Lady’. Whoever that lady was, she had some start in life!

Christopher Rush is the great-great nephew of Elspeth Marr and knew her only two years before her death. He is the author of Aunt Epp’s Guide for Life: Miscellaneous Musings of a Victorian Lady and numerous critically acclaimed works of fiction, poetry and memoir, including Will, a fictional autobiography of Shakespeare. He lives in Fife, Scotland.

IMAGE: Photo of the authors Aunt, Elspeth Marr (Aunt Epp) from his own collection

Congratulations to the following winners of this book:

Arwen, Audra, and Jill

We’ll be in touch with you real soon!

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librarypat

What an absolutely delightful woman she must have been. I am certain an afternoon with her would have been anything but boring. Her advice, though far from standard, sounds rather effective. It is really a shame you did not get to know her longer. What a treasure trove her notebooks and journals were. You are lucky to have those.
I love old books. I have found several from the late 1800′s and early 1900′s (your Aunt Epp’s time period) that deal with proper relations between the sexes and how teens should behave. They are definitely interesting reads. The ones written by religious societies are so strict. It is wonder there were any children born. That is not so far in the past really. I was born in 1947. My mother had attended an all girls high school run by very strict nuns. The were punished for talking to boys across the fence. When I attended 7th grade there, they hadn’t changed their attitudes much.
I look forward to reading “AUNT EPP’S GUIDE FOR LIFE”, even if I don’t take all her advice.
Best of luck with the release of the book.
Audra

Sounds like a fantastic book — I’d love to be entered to win a copy!
Leigh Ann

Aunt Epp sounds like a fun ‘ol gal – I’d love to read more!
http://www.newcenturyreading.com Amy

Oh, what a hoot–love to read it.
http://www.wondersandmarvels.com Editor

You guys will love this book. Very VERY fun.

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Vicky Alvear Shecter

Wow, what a fascinating lady and interesting advice! I would love to read this!
Kitty

Enter me please.

maynekitty///at////live///dot///com
Kathy Petersen

I’m sure my family had some Aunt Epps, and as I attempt to uncover some family history, I am always on the verge of finding them.
Kit

What fascinates me is the time period in which her journals were written and how our cultures differed during that period, and I love how in Ireland and Scotland you’ll still find a select few who probably practice these very methods still today.
It’s good to see that these journals were finally published because clearly she thought it was not only practical but very pertinent and relative information to have.
Please consider me for a copy of this book, both for the laugh and the peek into this persons “social norms” for navigating life as a young Scotch woman during the 19th/ 20th century.
kitw515 ////@////hotmail///.com
Kit

Too bad they weren’t published by her while she was alive, perhaps she could have been Scotland’s Emily Post! =)

“…make sure that you have planted a stale fish beneath the floorboards…”
http://kitschbysamspice.com Samantha

I worked at a living history museum and used to read these types of books all the time. Its so interesting to look back and see what “common-sense” advice was! One of my co-workers at the time reminded us that if the book says “don’ give cocaine to kids” someone somewhere had thought it was a good idea!
Thanks for the great referance!
Urbano

This book and Aunt Epp both sound fabulous! I love her stale fish advice, though I might be more tempted to use it to get rid of my annoying upstairs neighbour!
Please enter me in the draw.
Ginger

How interesting! I have family from/in Scotland and Ireland and it is sometimes so humorous to me the ‘practical’ way they look at life & happenings.This would be a book that would carry you through to the end, & I’m betting it’d be a trip to the past that would be worth taking!!
http://Www.tarotbyarwen.com Arwen

I think this sounds like a treasure trove for many reasons. I’m an amateur genealogist so the idea of having a book like this is of double interest to me. Thanks for the chance to win.
Kari

I’d love to win and read this book, not just for its potential humor effect, but also to find out if any of Aunt Epp’s remedies were later found out to have some scientific basis for valid results. Thank you for the opportunity.
Emily

Sounds like a remarkable woman and a remarkable book!
John B.

What a wonderfully humorous book. My wife will love it. She would probably end up
reading it to me on one of our trips. Not a bad way to pass the time on a boring stretch of the interstate.
http://janelsjumble.blogspot.com Janel

I loved the advice in this post. I can only imagine how fun the book is! What a wonderful, creative lady Aunt Ep must have been.
Jill

I love stories and “advice” like these! Such a peek into the lives of our foremothers.
http://musingsfromsrilanka.blogspot.com Mystica

Would love to be entered if a US Mailing Address is acceptable!
Sue Grizzell

So glad you fixed the tech trouble, I was thinking I had a computer curse. After reading of Aunt Epps, I see my own education has been severely lacking. I used to live in Fife myself, yet somehow missed such valuable advice from my elders. Please enter my name for the book drawing, in the hopes I can fill in those gaps. For a storyteller like me, books like this can be invaluable resources. Thanks!
http://bookishruth.com Ruth @ Bookish Ruth

What a colorful character Aunt Epp must have been! I agree, whoever this advice was aimed at got a very interesting start in life. Please enter me for a copy. I love the Victorian era and it’s not often you see the more frank side of Victorian society!
http://cleerysalley.blogspot.com/ Donell

This sounds fabulous! Please add me to the entries.
Rachel W.

This looks so interesting! Thanks for the giveaway!!
Fran Kirby

My husband and I were entranced by the description of the book-we both thought it would be a great book to read aloud to each other. We don’t watch television and reading is one of our favorite pastimes. Really sounds interesting!
http://edwardianpromenade.com Evangeline

This sounds wonderful! Enter my name, please!
Lindsey

Sounds interesting! What a fascinating woman.
Stace

Now this sounds like an interesting woman indeed! The matter of fact way she addressed either side of a question is refreshing, if a bit startling. Slowly learning that the Victorians weren’t the prim and proper people so much standard history has made them out to be over the decades. Good PR I guess. Bet the rest of her musings are fascinating. And to be chronicled by a great nephew – who can actually remember her! Marvelous!
Cheryl Smith

I had a grandmother with a similar bent of mind in that she was full of life and outspoken in all things. She was busy living life to the fullest every day and taught my brother and I all kinds of fun things we would not have learned from our parents. When he and I were nine years old and she was in her fifties (she never let anyone know her age) we spent a day with her. She was still filled with energy when we went home at supper time, but my brother and I took two days to recover!!
This looks like a great read and lots of fun. Please enter me in the drawing.
Adam

i always keep a stale fish on my man’s side of the bed.
http://www.wondersandmarvels.com Editor

Thanks for entering the giveaway! This one is closed. The winners are: Arwen, Audra, and Jill! Stay tuned for more!
librarypat

Congratulations. Enjoy.
Audra

My copy arrived a few days ago and I’ve just inhaled it — what a wonderful book! I wish Aunt Epp was my Aunt!! My enthusiastic review — I hope others pick it up!
Clarice Gay

also, when considering how to influence the chances of conceiving a boy or a girl, I found this interesting site: BabyGenderChooser.com
http://www.tarotbyarwen.com Arwen

Like Audra, I loved this book. Aunt Epp was a hoot!